Stars Aligned

Cold, chilling me
like thorns,
still, this time a year
I am there where
my eyes hang on
hang on

do I hear them
whisper away the answers
to my thoughts

some do believe they
know all, in codes of sorts
like painted on the skin

the knowledge of what they
truly are
is rather painful to me
nothing more than our own
light and warmth

mystery solved
is beauty that fades away
like children's water-colored ones forgotten
in the rain

I open the door
and try to lock the thought outside
I care not of the reality
I move away from it's
choking embrace
shove it
bitter

the child
just died

Thoughts of the Day

Cloudy haze
a misty maze
like cotton candy

the days of my thoughts
wooly

dandelion's seedcase
in the will of the winds
my thoughts
sway by drifting
waver away

an anchor I'd need
would you have it for me?
days of my life
haze

cloudy maze
a rope to it to tie
the cotton to belt
gird the cloudy haze

anchor holds well but
rope suddenly slips
cotton candy, deprived of sweet
my thoughts, my days
slip away before they end
what's left
I now do own

Swollen

The rain in me
each drop swallows
me whole

it delivers without a goal
endless relentless
pull towards a void

sink sank sunken
unauthorized passing through
noise scattered seamless distraction

the flood in me
leaks and breaks through
out of pressured tiniest holes
crack and crumble, the dissolvement
all out of me floating
around me
knowing not
where to start to 
track the fragments lost in the stream

drink drank drunken
too much of the sting
of life to handle I think

Dreaming Of Life

Singular plurality
crushing waves
the sting of time
that evolves as a blur
of mind
around the depiction that
caught your eye

bars and shackles
thoughts dissolving them
to avoid reality fall

the cap between wants
and needs desperate
to lift up beaten beauty
once called life

circulating thoughts in swirl
are morning's haze
vultures waiting the spirit
to cease the crawl to light

panics and tremors
electric shocked to numb in terror
hands and feet chopped
I kneel in dreams to
wake up one morning
to live

Hurry On

In hurry, I hurry on, like a hurry
never before
as long as I make it round
four corners
of the street of life

hurry,  hurry on to where
from whence
as long as I carry on

who knows where this takes me
the road
as long as I hurry on
on with hurry

through the scattered noise
and motion
filling my head 
going insane

if I don't get along with the hurry
I just be better off dead
if I can't shake off
this life
I hurry on

Between Packed Ice

A prisoner
inside my head
heart is closed
squeezed between
packed ice

receptive?

with a dozen spears
pierced through me,
deathly,
spiky to be considered
as human

sun's shine lights
but
warms not
it teases
when wind is shut off
like flashlight pointed
straight towards your sight

start off with a wrong foot?

rather with wrong body
yet underestimated expression

in a wrong life
how's that?

anger has no limits
when it pivots inside
deep
compelled to silence

passer-by's careless smile
cuts more severe than
cutting your wrist
bitter bees covet
every cavity and
expand your mind's
universes beyond everything
with bitter sweet
poison

another day
or yet
give me another
life
or
death

Quagmires And Dead Ends

Black painted thoughts
beyond the conscious
crammed in my head

no
not enough
out of stock with pity

quagmires and dead ends
frustrations of emptiness
pain that uses no name for itself

shut down mechanism of silence
transition to presence
calmer and colder than death
a life sucked out of joy

I laugh
to me or myself

cry
a dry tearless cry
asleep
in a dream
searching me
diving in my sorrow

Does Anyone Hear Me ! ! !

Stuck
piled up
disorganized
like a backyard shed

equipped too well
with unneeded garbage
and surplus things

verbal maze                 mental
solution converted
                                 to re-entry
eternally yours
                           no recall of signing
accordingly
                             to this condition


                    S     O     S

transferred to

               S          M       S

save my                        soul

I do recall
on a darkest hour
with crumbling fingers
in obscurity of the night
inside me
writing
with
hama beads

Rotten Sad

Love
arbitrary in talk
cemented in seasons
and symbols
over used  worn-out
as if it ever could
conquers all brings back to life
mends bends   does every trick

love
spoiled shunned
yet isn't love all marvel
home of
each man's shivering esteem's urge to find
and be one

love
the power to be
all you need is...

to lose one
lose love
still be loved
to run out of pain
so lost, one does not find
emotions inside

the terror
to look into
your own child's
eyes

    past any description
         for      you

I look back
numb
empty

-------------------------------------------------------------
"I can't feel anything but sadness" was the prompt in contest. I wasn't gonna enter. Hadn't written for couple of days so i started just to dribbling with words; there was a thought (another besides the contest) of writing something nice and positive for a change and started "love" then me hit me and forgot the positive: "arbitrary" and got on making the  dullest lines "conquers all". About then it hit me...the saddest of any possible; something to easily win feeling "anything but sadness". To be crushed so that one feels nothing - there is not a single thing in the world beyond nothing, the power in it!

I finally had idea of writing and just kept on but making true statements on love like "urge to find". We all have it, and to be loved. And "the song" came to mind and i thought this is the time change gears from 5 to REVERSE after   ...   "lose". Afterwards i decided to leave it open but for my sake i'll give here my interpretation. I did write it as lose like to die before time. And to lose love - to lose capability to love after a heavy loss (or dual version: dramatic events in life). Yet "still be loved" as the people around you do no matter.

The terror, this is what hit me in beginning when i was still just dribbling with words. Five years ago i was in the state of mind obliged to experience this "terror". My children were young - in the age that all they know of world is little to compare to the love they know "past any description" for parents. And i had to look them back feeling nothing yet knowing and recognizing that fact at the same time; numb, empty, for many months.

I haven't lost anyone before time but i do have slight idea how it could feel. I was just bruised by me - a bit more heavily then than ever before. Mind is sometimes bit shaky to go out of control.

I like this poem, funny how it started and came to (version 1.0) completion. There was only one word i crossed over a second after writing it. Otherwise non, its here - the dribble

The Clay In Me

Stirs, boring movement
does not give itself away, a hint at best
inside me, living quarter in every cell
of my tormented body
like a clay bedded ground
frozen in winter
freeing itself underneath
in spring

does not tell, nor whisper
the pain or strength
yet moves and tears the ground
even heavy rocks
shreds the tarmac
cracks you see, inside the agony
not

no explanation, no words arise
stirs, distorts in silence as if no movement
brewing pain, in me
slowly
giving no grip or chance to see
hope

with shovel I try
too vast too deep all around
buried beneath
hidden in beds of clay