Few Lines Of Letters

8th grade
I had lost what I am
in realization
that I wasn't truly what
I actually was

did not know but the fact
that I was only shadows of what
the others made me

popular, local celebrity at
the age of t-h-i-r-t-e-e-n

lost in that swirl
broken the rules, hearts
and something fragile inside

pain increased as despise,
first sober thoughts were
disguised from revelation, to be turned
into self-hate, cutting
withdrawal, snake slithering to
its pit

I was squeezed out from fluids of live
turned inside, and the inside out
burning insecurity in
expectations out
-side

hibernation, the ice four age teen
like a dying species
alone, loneliness grows exponentially
I made acquaintance with the moon
soul mates surrounded by stars and occasional
shivering lights, magical waves
of polar lights

cold, lifeless, visited still by friends
I did push away them

breathing poison through my lungs to heart
and brains just enough,
and slowly too, to keep me alive
to see my death fuller and fuller, constantly
thinking of bursting

I found a way out of my self-made solitude and
yes, I met my redemption
in letters and words of books as I
hid myself in them

I found a way to dilute the poison out
in words of a poet greatest
on the earth:

"Thank you for life, Mother
Few lines I made letters today
That's all. I am happy."

For all the muses in the world
I took upon me
those simple
words

and do still
and forevermore
when levels of poison
run high to be cleansed again
"Few lines...That's all"
Quote is from "Onni" a poem by Lauri Viita (translation is mine), a Finnish poet that died tragically in young age in car accident. The very same day the news of his death was in papers Finland's most acknowledged poetry magazine published his poem "Onni" = Happiness